A friend told me he had turned his life around with the "The Tao of Sobriety". Lately (for nearly half a century) I've been preplexed by something equally complicated so I'm opening a window to "The Tao of Intimacy". Here's our basic logic (or set of principles). (updated 9/ 8/11 11:05)

1. It's essence is that intimacy is "a way of life, a life of openness, honesty, a certain transparency". If you are intelligent and thoughtful, how can it's essence be anything else.
2. Something else has been going on for millions of years and that is a set of instincts that are the means by which our species has been preserved (and maybe even flourished).
3. So, in our culture, intimacy usually has sexual connotations, with some kind of completion. We want intimacy because we want more out of life. Often it does not have a sense of sacrifice or giving or being vulnerable.
4. It seems important to introduce the Tao. I'm a beginning student, but to me the Tao is to be enlightened and to have sufficient clarity that there is no need to react to anything you don't want to react to.
5. There are a bunch of things that are easy. It is easy to be angry, easy to justify yourself, and easy to do lots of other things that don't bring you to the Tao.
6. It is easy to accept the above statement of what intimacy means. But the Tao invites us to do tough things: to escape anger, to choose enlightened self-interest, and to see intimacy in wholesome ways.
7. If we have clarity on wholesome intimacy, then we can live it, we can invite it, and we can inspire it in others. If we are faithful to our Tao, then we can even be present to unwholesome intimacy and not be touched by it. And we then have no need for fear (or nervousness).